Time
by Miss-Savvi
Summary: So much can change in one year's time. Yet even as the seasons shift, some dreams remain the same, and Cassian finally gathers the courage to visit the place he should have so many months ago. There he discovers that reality can be worse than nightmares.


One-Shots. They're like a disease, I swear. Anyway, this one's sad, but happy/sad if that makes any sense? Peaceful, there's the right word! Enjoy lyrics are from "Haunting" by Anberlin. That's where the lyrics at the beginning and end are from.

_Up on this hill_

_In this uncanny house _

_The wind makes this place creak_

_The lights, they are flickering_

_The moon she Is lurking, the clock it stopped working_

_At a quarter past three._

_There's something dancing here in the shadows_

_And I wish it were us…_

A gentle wind stirred the trees, and a few leaves strayed from their branches, falling softly to the ground. The seasons were changing from Summer to Autumn, but it was a slow, delicate shift.

Even though It was a gravesite, the area was still calm. It seemed at peaces with the changes going on around it. Sunlight danced upon the headstone, and animals scattered from atop as footsteps approached slowly. The man took a shaken breath in a small attempt to keep himself composed. Finally, after a few moments of silence he spoke in a surprisingly quiet yet clear voice.

"Well…" he began, talking to no one in particular. "It appears that you're still good friends with the animals." A small smile crossed his lips for a moment as he sifted through memories of watching the young doctor care for the creatures of the forest early in the morning, when he thought that he was all alone. He remembered how he would talk to the doves that had nested outside his window, or how he'd rescue the mice he'd find in his laboratory instead of simply killing them. Tears welled behind Cassian's eyes as he opened his mouth to speak again, only this time his tone was not so composed.

"You'll never feel lonely here…" were the only words he could think of.

Another breeze ruffles th the forest. Cassian sighed, sitting next to the grave. His mind kept racing.

_What if I'd come back sooner? What if I hadn't let him do that? What if I'd have taken the blade out of his hand? What if he…were alive right now? _

Cassian had to say something aloud to stop his thoughts.

"Funny…" he faked a small laugh. "All those years I worked for him…and I never knew just how old he was…" that was a lie. He had known, but he'd forced himself to forget. He'd tried to forget a lot that past year, but the memories would never really leave. Another sad smile crossed his face as he continued. "The way he acted you'd think he was an eight year old." Once more, he mustered up a small chuckle. Then, silence settled once more.

There was no writing on the stone in front of him. No name. No date. Nothing but an angel carved into the rock. It was as though Jizabel Disraeli had never even existed. Half of Cassian wished that this was true.

"I guess…he was 26…? Perhaps?" he recalled aloud, no one was around to hear. "26 years old and still-," his voice shook, but he calmed it. "still just a boy…" the conclusion was sad. More stillness, in which Cassian sat, thinking. It was no used to try and chain up his thoughts now.

"I-I couldn't…I couldn't save you…I didn't even risk my life for you in the end…" he was slowly coming undone, as his limbs began to shake. The next words came out in a chocked sob. "I'm sorry…I couldn't save you after all doc-," for once, he felt the urge to call the younger man by his first name. He couldn't hear it, so why was Cassian so afraid to do so?

"I'm so sorry…Jizabel…" The name left his mouth, and warmed his body, as though all the sunlight had gathered around him.

That same sunlight danced on the ground next to Cassian, who sat next to the grave. Tears were streaming down his face, and he couldn't recall how long it had been since he last cried. It wasn't at Jizabel's death, or as the casket was lowered. Then, he remembered,

_"Cassian…please...I don't want to be alone tonight…" _it had been after another punishment inflicted by his father that Jizabel spoke these words. _"I don't…Not alone…tonight…" _Jizabel had collapsed next to Cassian on the bed, pressing his frail body up against the older man's chest. Then, he fell asleep. Cassian knew that getting caught meant death, but as he looked down at the broken angel, he couldn't help but wrap his arms around him tightly, and cry…

"How could you do that?" he sobbed, brushing away the tears running down his cheeks. "Why would you do that, doctor!" the tone in his voice when from sadness to anger, as all the emotion that had pent up inside was released. "You really are stupid!" he stood suddenly, kicking the gravestone. "You could have survived, doctor? That bullet didn't even hit your heart. I could have carried you to the hospital…everything could have been alright." More tears as he collapsed to his knees, staring up at the sky which was turning from a light blue, to a dark black. A few raindrops fell from above.

"I told you to escape!" He shouted. If there were people around, they would have heard him. His fists shook at his sides, and more tears rolled down his face as he cried out.

"This isn't what I meant! Dying doesn't change anything! It doesn't change anything…you should have known that, Jizabel…but now…even in death, you belong to him. I tried to save you…but you chose the devil over me…" his voice, which had quieted in the last part of that sentence, began to rise again.

"You're only a child, the world still goes on…I still have to go on without you, Jizabel!" A sob chocked the anger in his voice. It was impossible to hate him, no matter how childish and stupid he was, Cassian couldn't bring himself to hate his former superior. "I cared…for y-you all along…but I couldn't save you…"

Finally silence settled over the scene again, and rain began to fall harder. The only other sound was Cassian's own voice, as he apologized every so often.

He pulled a blade from his coat pocket, holding to his wrist.

"I'm…so…sorry, Jizabel…I couldn't save you…a-and I can't live without you…Please…forgive me…I'm sorry." The knife pressed into his flesh and blood rushed to the surface. Cassian's eyes slid open and closed.

Just as suddenly as the rain had started, it seemed to die down, suddenly stopped, though tears still fell from his eyes. It wasn't until he felt something touch his shoulder that he opened his eyes and turned around.

His heart sank, then rose again in his throat.

"Jizabel…" the name fell from his lips without him even knowing what he was saying. Yet there, in front of him stood his former superior wearing a white silk robe. It was not as though he were a ghost, for he was perfectly materialized. Cassian stood, facing the other man. He was so…beautiful…maybe even more so than he had been when he was alive. His skin was a healthy colour of porcelain, not the sickly white that it had been. The thing that had changed most were his eyes. They held _life_ in them, and sparkled in the sunlight that had replaced where the rain had just been.

"Jizabel…you're…here…?" he nodded, a soft smile spreading across his face. Again, Cassian felt tears building in his eyes.

"You're alive…?" The younger man shook his head "no". Cassian's heart dropped again. "Are you an angel…?" he didn't answer, but instead Jizabel took Cassian's arm, examining the blood that was spilling from the self-inflicted wound. He looked away sadly, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you…" Cassian whispered. Jizabel pulled Cassian's head up to face him, and gently ran a hand across his cheek, shaking his head once more. Cassian heard a voice in his head whispering.

"You're wrong…you did save me…Cassian…I realised that when it was too late…my father doesn't have control over me anymore…you truly set me free…"

What Cassian did next was about as far from what he'd ever expect himself to do as he could get. He fell into the other man's arms, knocking them both to the ground.

And there they both sat, Jizabel cross legged, and Cassian curled up with his head on the doctor's leg, crying uncontrollably as Jizabel stroked his hair. Something about the situation brought out a different side in the both of them. Normally, Cassian would never cry, let alone in front of someone like Jizabel. And Jizabel…he hated people, he'd said so himself, yet here they were…together.

The blood had stopped dripping from Cassian's arm when Jizabel stood up. Cassian rose to his feet as well, and the scenery began to fade around them, being consumed by white light. Cassian held on tight to the other man's waist, burying his head in his chest. Jizabel pulled his previous assistant close, and Cassian barely whispered,

"I'm not letting you go this time, doctor…"

"You really are foolish…" The younger man scolded, at least, Cassian thought he heard him say those words.

"I know…Jizabel…I know…so are you…"

Ok…Kinda confusing but I was really caught between doing this ending and another one so there's going to be a chapter two later with another ending. Oh yes, but in case the foreshadowing wasn't enough, Cassian dies at the end. I wanted to put something like "they found his body three days later…" or some conversation between two people who found Cassian dead and they'd be like hey look…he's smiling…" and the other would be like "I 'spose he died happy…"


End file.
